"ANGELINA JOLIE and BRAD PITT will have their next child in France to honour the actress’s late French-Canadian mother. And I can also reveal that, despite rumours the pair are expecting twins, it will be just one girl to add to their growing family. My well-placed source revealed: “Angelina has been told she is expecting a girl. She’s thrilled.” Angelina’s mum, actress MARCHELINE BERTRAND, died last year and the star wants to embrace her French heritage by bringing up her new tot over there. After months of house-hunting Brad and Angelina — who revealed her bump in a tight black dress at the weekend — have bought a chateau in the south of France and plan to make it their family home."

Dear Angelina and Brad,
We can't wait until you get to the south of France! Please give us a call when you get here so we can take our combined nine children out to the park or the beach. I won't even be jealous that you, Angelina, will be super duper skinny after having just given birth. And Brad, my husband won't bug you about how to dress or get his hair to look like yours.

All you have to do to be friends with us is admit that you don't really do anything around your house. I know that you don't have any "nannies" because you love to take care of your own children, but we need you to own up to all the other types of helpers you employ.

Simply admit in writing or on camera that you have someone to cook your meals, buy your groceries, wash the sheets when your kids wet the bed, pay your bills and wash your cars, etc. etc. and I will introduce you to all my friends here in France and we can come swimming at your Chateau on Wednesday's when the kids don't have school.

Maddox will fit right in speaking French with our kids, so he won't even feel weird that his parents are like the most famous couple on earth. I can already tell that he and Sam will be best friends!

Waiting for your call!
Dave and Stasha